I’m sat here on the train, picking clumps out of my mascara for the gabillionth time and it has made me reflect on all of the other beauty bug bears we have. Here’s 10 of them:
1. Shampoo that doesn’t wash out. Maybe it’s my lazy shower technique, maybe it’s because it doesn’t foam on the head. More Fosters, less Guiness. But the feeling after blowdrying your hair and you find that patch of grease can only be likened to finding out your favourite TV character is being killed off.
2. Eyeshadow pigmentation. One minute you’re lapping the shadow on and you can’t believe you spent £40 on a palette when you could’ve bought a lot of Prosecco for that, because nothing is showing up on your lids and then BAM, you’ve gone 2 rounds with Chris Brown and you look ridiculous.
3. Clumpy scrub. You’ve got a hot date, your legs need to be as smooth as George Clooney so you whack out the exfoliator. Except that fucker sticks together and you do not get the even spread you hoped for.
4. Shit face wipes. Yes you may have only spent £1 on them at Primark but you expect that they can at least take off one layer of your foundation. But after scrubbing your face raw, you still wake up with mascara on your pillow. And not because you’ve been crying over a fuckboy.
5. Too dark bronzer. You want that glowy Kardashian look but your moon tan does not naturally allow for that so you decide to recreate the look using a bronzer. Except when you step out into daylight you look like you’re on your way to a Big Fat Gypsy Wedding.
6. Too light concealer. We’ve all splashed the cash on a Touché Eclat because Glamour told us it was a holy grail product. Apart from the fact we’ve tried to use it to conceal our dark circles and it just made them glow brighter than a Geordie Shore tan.
7. Patchy fake tan. If anyone has tried to whack on some St Tropez an hour before an important event, you will understand the pain of watching that tan develop into that disgusting, mottled pattern across your skin. But really, who has 2 hours to scrub and moisturise when there’s 3 episodes of Masterchef to catch up on?
8. Lipstick on teeth. This beauty bastard only happens when you’re about to speak to someone important – your crush, boss, bank manager, Johnny Depp. Yep. Happened.
9. Eyeliner not on FLEEK. We’ve all seen that meme where one eye is perfectly cat flicked and the other looks like Kat Slater’s done your make up. Well, it’s bloody true.
10. Shaving rash. No matter how much time we take, using a proper cream, moisturising or using a special hair minimiser product you will ALWAYS get the most innappropriate razor burn. It’s ok, I didn’t want anyone to see me naked anyway…
What are your beauty buggers? Make sure you comment or tweet me!
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