Oh how I hate posts that tell me what I shouldn’t do on a first date. How about it’s no one else’s bloody business? HOWEVER, I am going to write you a list of things you should do because sometimes you just need the permission from your peers that it’s OK to fall down 2 flights of stairs, land at your date’s feet and then vomit on him.
1. Go somewhere loud. You cannot awkwardly sit across from someone and avoid eye contact if you really fancy them, when you’re in a bar that’s banging out Black Eyed Peas at full volume. Nopes you need to get as close as humanly possible. Whisper seductively in each other’s ears. It makes the transition into body contact that bit easier. Because we’ve all sent our mates the mid date Whatsapp – ‘We’re sat so far away, HOW WILL HE KISS ME?’
A date I went on once, was at the Toy Shop in Putney (same location the picture in this post was taken). The music was so loud that we had to sit 0.0005cm away from each other. We just couldn’t hear each other unless his arm was round me and my hand was on his leg. The kissing happened in no time. Win!
2. Wear something you’re comfy in. Whether that be a hoodie and sweats or full deep plunge v and a skirt up to your foof. You’re getting across your personality and style on the first date so, despite what idiots might tell you about not giving the wrong impression, you just need to do you.
I actually have a ‘date outfit’ – aline skirt with a body tucked in, black tights and ankle boots. This is because it makes me feel confident and sexy without me feeling like I’ve tried too hard or too little.
3. Get drunk. Not paraletic because that would be terrible safety advice, but the level of buzz that gives you confidence and where you lose a little of your inhibitions. However if you feel yourself slurring and dropping shit, reel it back. Unless he’s bladdered too, then jump on his back and make him carry you to the next bar!
I went on a great date once to a gin bar. We’d been for food and a wander first and we were still a bit nervous around each other. 4 Tom Collins down and we’re getting all kinds of flirty. It really helped loosen us both up and drop our nerves.
4. If you’re hungry, eat. Nothing worse than being starving but too frightened to eat in front of someone. In fact, it’s a great litmus test. If you eat a huge burger and finish the meal with grease on your dress and ketchup on your face and he STILL likes you, chances are you’re onto a winner.
One of my best dates was at a Korean BBQ, which happens to be my favourite type of food. We laughed continuously about the bean paste that was dribbling down my face PLUS I got to eat, which is always good.
5. Have sex. If you both want to, only. Don’t feel pressured into it. I once had a guy ask me back to his on the first date and when I politely declined, he said, ‘But I bought you all of those cocktails?’ Die please.
If you do want to do the deed on the first date, just be hyper aware that it could end up with one of you wanting to dine and dash, beat and delete etc so you should definitely bag it up. Or No Diggity.
6. Do something new. It’s always tempting to go to your favourite bar or restaurant, however, if the date is really poor it might tarnish that place for you in the future. Plus, if you never want to see the fool again, at least you’ve got a new date place notch on your belt.
I was previously dating someone who took me to the most amazing places. I then went on to take subsequent dates to them. Bit awkward when we bumped into each other again but at least you’ve expanded your date repertoire from an All Bar One or a Nandos. Swings and roundabouts.
7. Spend as much as you want. I’m pretty sure that within moments of meeting someone you can get a good feel as to how the date will go. Don’t limit yourself to one or two quick drinks if you’re feeling it – treat it like a big night out! Go crazy at the cocktail bar and frivolous over food. That way, the date will be a good memory no matter how it ends.
I went on a date once that started with quiet drinks at a pub but the conversation had flowed so brilliantly that we took it to a cocktail bar and then another and then another. It wasn’t my wallet telling me how much I drank the next day. It was my headache. My poor headache.
8. Arrange another date. If the date is coming to a close and you both know you’ve had a good time, get the 2nd one booked in. It saves the post date anxiety of questioning if/when you’ll see each other again. If matey boy isn’t fussed about organising then he’s not that interested. Watch your fat ass twist, boy as you bounce to the next dick, boy.
On a date once that went well, the guy asked me for a second. I stupidly likened it to the sit down interview the couples on First Dates have where they’re asked if they’d like to see each other again. He took it to mean I was binning him. Ssssh sometimes Vix.
9. Be keen. Fuck The Games. If you like someone on the first date, don’t be afraid to tell them. Don’t listen to advice about ‘scaring them off’ because who wants to date someone that is scared of you liking them? That’s absolutely absurd. Now I’m not suggesting that you write them a love song and get their name tattooed across your breast, but taking the lead and saying how you feel the date went can’t be a bad thing.
Unless you do that and are swiftly met with a, ‘Woah slow down, I’m not ready for a relationship yet!’ Which one fucktard said to me when I asked if he was free the following week. Don’t flatter yourself pal.
10. Do whatever the fuck you want. Don’t listen to people who judge. Dating is fun and first dates, even at their most awkward, are hilarious.
Just remember – there’s no such thing as a bad date, only a good story.
This post was written in collaboration with Durex but all listy points and anecdotes are my own. Sometimes unfortunately.
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