To continue my ’30s’ theme as this was the week I entered this new decade, I have been thinking about all of the things I want to be able to acheive or do more of in the next 10 years. As I love to overshare, they’re here for you to gander at too.
1. Perfect the winged eyeliner. I have been pounding this pavement for over 10 years now and I still cannot get both eyes equal. It makes me think I have one of bigger than the other. I don’t. I’m just hugely cack handed.
2. Make it to the end of a month with money. I cannot save for shit. Because stuff needs to be bought. Am I even really living life if I don’t wank £40 on NYX and so what if it means that the last 3 dinners of the month are crackers with butter.
3. Demand more orgasms. Sometimes when I’m sleeping with someone I just like getting them off and then I’m just laid there like, damn what about me bro. I need to spend these next 10 years slamming my undercarriage down on their face until I’ve got mine too.
4. Have more people read my blog. I’m not bothered about being commercial or raking in cash. What bothers me in the best way is when people share my posts and give my blog some love. I am so lucky that a lot of you do that already but it’s like actual crack. I need MOAR.
5. Be good at my job. Man have I struggled with teaching. It’s a slog and my early career was fraught with negative observations and me just generally being a terrible teacher. I actually wasn’t that bad, but I’m not a box ticker. In this next stage of my career I just want to be a ‘good’ teacher, a ‘satisfactory’ one.
6. Keep friends. My bestie Amy moved away after uni but every time we see each other it’s like we’ve never been apart. Other friends are getting engaged and having babies and are drifting away but I want to make sure that I keep them close. Then there are my ‘work’ friends, who are all actually really bloody good friends. They’ve been there when I’ve been wound up by a child, when my Mum passed away or when I’ve wanted a night out out. I’m so lucky to have all of my friends. They’d just better not fucking leave me.
7. Meet new people. Whether that’s through dating, blogging or work, I just love finding out about people I’ve never come across before. I’m a huge people observer and psycho analyser and I believe I learn a lot about myself when I see how other people are in certain situations.
8. Take my make up off properly. Face wipes at 30 just doesn’t cut it any more. I need to properly adult and use a cleanser. And probably an anti wrinkle cream. Fuck.
9. Save money. Not just get to the end of the month with more than 12p in my account but actually save money so I can make a large purchase or start thinking about the future. I’ve always been a ‘live in the moment’ and ‘you can’t take it with you’ kinda gal but what happens if I meet Mr Right who’s unemployed but I decide not to be a superficial bitch because he’s fit and can cook? Mumma will have to pay for shit.
10. Overcome the fear of wax. Now my personal pref is to keep my poon politely presentable in the hair region. But I shave. And shaving rash is unsightly AF. I really should muster up the courage to go for a wax but I have 2 fears: 1. The pain. Oh god not there and 2. What if the therapist refuses to wax me because she is so horrified by my bits? I mean, I KNOW it’s fine. I’ve never had any complaints but WHAT IF?
11. Have more patience. Everyone that knows me, knows I don’t accept even the tiniest amount of shit. You piss me off once and we’re done. No going back. Except for a couple of blokes who I’ve let be a dick to me one too many times because FFS they used to bring me shit in bed, my patience for virtually everyone else is non existent. Maybe I just need to not be so quick to bin people for the silly things like over enunciating the ends of their sentences or not using capital letters and full stops when I’ve asked them 8 goddamn times.
12. Go to Hip Hop Brunch. I have been hinting to every person in my life for AGES but no fucker wants to go with me. You get to see me rap guys!
13. Perfect YouTube. Currently I am filming on a PEN with no lights and an editing app on an iPad. Can you say budget? But once I get saving (hahayeahright) I want to get actual fancy equipment and teach myself better editing techniques. I have so many ideas for videos but like everything in my life, I have the vision just never the execution.
14. Be less lazy. Sometimes I get invited to cool stuff and sometimes I feign an illness to get out of going because I just want to watch 4 more episodes of iZombie in my pants and showering is just too much effort.
15. Move. This is one I can tick off in a couple of weeks! After nearly a year of struggling to pay London rent prices in a flat on my own, I will be moving back in with my old housemate Chloe in Streatham Hill. I’ll be closer to central and I know Clogs and I will have the best time. She used to make me vodka cranberries when I walked in the door from a tough day at work and I can’t wait for that again.
16. Be more spontaneous. A large portion of my twenties was consumed with social anxiety and the need to have things planned out in advance so I knew what to expect. I’m getting over that now so I want to be able to do more things off the cuff. Go for Southbank drinks straight from work? Sure! Pop to an event before work? Go on then! Journey back to some random guy’s house after he’s bought me 4 Jagerbombs and said I’m the fittest girl he’s ever met? With caution.
17. Get organised. My Sister gets livid with me because of how forgetful I am. I’m the gal who needs a last minute’s nurse appointment because I’ve ran out of pills or pays £472 for next day delivery because I’m out of contact lenses.
18. Meet a nice guy. I can count on one finger the guys I’ve dated this year that have been decent. That haven’t ghosted. That haven’t been fuck ups. That have been totally into me. That have wanted what I want. I need more of that. Or just one more of that will do.
19. Improve my photography skills. I know for sure my blog photos are a million times better than they were this time last year. I also know they need to be a million times better if I want my blog to grow further.
20. Give less of a shit about my Insta theme. At the moment I fucking love my Insta. It’s exactly how I wanted it. But I have no idea how I’m going to maintain it over Autumn, let alone in the future. I need to care less and just post what I want.
21. Finish my book. This summer I had the greatest intentions of smashing out my book. It didn’t exactly work out that way. What I have is a proposal, a cover design, title and 30 pages written. Just another 200 to go. What I have written so far I am extremely proud of and I LOVE the concept. Just need to get my arse in gear.
22. Settle on a style. My wardrobe is a random mix of pieces, none of which go together or match so I am forever having ‘what can I wear’ meltdowns. My 30s is for building a capsule wardrobe but one that still fits my style and isn’t 100% Boden middle aged woman frumpiness. FUCK AM I NOW MIDDLE AGED?
23. Be more body confident. I alluded to my previous body image struggles in my last post but I really feel like maintaining a positive image of my body is going to be my 30s Everest. I am getting there. I find myself more and more happy within myself but there’s still a way to go. I don’t want to be 40 and still concious of what angle I’m sitting at because of splaying thighs and stomach rolls.
24. Eat healthy. My twenties have been all about cosy takeaways in front of the telly with my ex to eating whatever I can scrape out of my cupboard as a poor singleton or 11pm kebabs after a terrible date. When I move, I’ll be saving a lot more money so I want to make sure I’m using some of it to eat more healthily. Although I am moving somewhere that Deliveroo services so this point could be total bullshit.
25. Help people. I don’t know how this will manifest itself just yet, I just believe that I have had quite a bit of life experience in my twenties and I have an outlook on life that could help people if they need it.
26. Master laundry. You know how some people don’t need to wear perfume because the smell of their clean clothes is just so fucking delicious? That’s not me. I’m the one Febrezing towels that smell musty even though I hung them straight up.
27. Stop living in a dream world. Kylie Jenner is not going to retweet one of my blog posts making it go viral therefore propelling me to the dizzying heights of Blogdom. Glamour aren’t going to name me Woman of the Year and there isn’t going to be a teaching award created in my name. If there was though it’d be ‘most time efficient’ (read: lazy). So I need to stop fantasising and start making shit happen.
28. Play it less cool. I have lost out on a couple of decent guys because I was too blase about dating them. I used a facade of not caring to protect myself from rejection and it just meant they lost interest in me because they thought I didn’t care. I’m not about to go 375 messages an hour and singing love song voice notes crazy but if I like someone I’ll try and be less afraid to show it.
29. Make my Mum proud. My Mum was proud of me no matter what I did. Drop out of college because I couldn’t be arsed to go? No love you’re making it out in the real world! Leave my cheating boyfriend and making myself homeless? Well love we all hated him anyway. Now she’s not here to give me that affirmation that is often so sorely needed and missed, I need to make sure all of my choices are ones she would’ve been exceptionally proud of. Ones that she would’ve told the ladies at bingo about.
30. Be happy, always. My twenties was a time of self flaggelation of every mistake and decision that didn’t go the right way. It was a time of self loathing. It was a time of settling for behaviour that was so awful because it was what I believed I deserved. My twenties saw me giving power to people who mistreated me by giving them time and letting them affect me. The last ten years was about staying in jobs and careers that affected my mental health. My thirties won’t be about any of that. My thirties will be about living every day content within myself. They will be about dealing with the tough times by knowing that better is to come. Most importantly, my thirties are for loving myself and doing everything I can to make myself feel taken care of.