One of the hardest things to cope with, when you’re suffering with your mental health, is the battle between your brain and you. Those evil phrases your brain says to you which makes you feel awful. I call it the ‘logical and non-logical’ sides. Not a scientific term, granted but you get the point.

The problem is, when the logical side thinks everything is fine but the non-logical side wafts in like an STI just to fuck your shit up. So how do you win this battle in your brain? By telling the non-logical part to do one.

NL: You’re worthless

L: Listen, braincunt, I think you’ll find that the £569 worth of Sephora sitting in my make up bag already disproves that BUT if that’s not enough to shut you up then how about all the kind things I do for my mates/volunteering for charity/blowjob tekkers? I have something that makes me worthy.

NL: You’re ugly

L: Hey, headwankstain, I think you’ll find the 5 appreciative glances I received between 2 stops on the Northern Line proves you wrong there BUT if you still want more – it’s what’s on the inside that counts and the only ugly part inside me is what you do to my brain. At least that can be fixed. Unlike *your* face, fucker.

NL: You can’t do that

L: I think you’ll find *list of 43 achievements before breakfast including changing the loo roll* means I can.

NL: You shouldn’t have done that

L: You’re not my Mum, mindmangler so you can’t judge me for anything. And anyway, even if I’ve completely embarrassed myself and look like a total twat, at least I’m not ACTUALLY one. Like you.

NL: No one loves you

L: My last tweet got 19 retweets though? So? Aside from that, my friends, sister and boyfriend tell me and show me they do all the time so there’s got to be something in that? Dickhead.

NL: You’ll never get better

L: Today I feel better than yesterday. Tomorrow I may feel worse but the day after I’ll feel even better so your facts are wrong. I’m taking medication. I’m waiting for therapy. I’m talking about it more with the people around me. All things that could help me get better. Try again, arsebucketbrain.

NL: Do ‘x’ it’ll make you feel better

L: Yes, whilst eating 4 Chicken Cottage meals, sitting on the sofa for 8 hours staring at the wall or drinking all the gin may solve my problems temporarily, they’re not good for me in the long run. Instead I’ll eat 1 Chicken Cottage spicy burger meal with large fries, whilst sitting on the sofa and being productive with my laptop and a glass of water. (And tonic. It’s gin. A Gin and Tonic).

There you have it! A fail safe guide to banish some of the negative thoughts your brain tries to bog you down with when you’re battling with it. Tell it to bugger off and feel better!

Photo credit: Kaye