What I’ve Learned About Grief

Vix xxx

  1. Lizi

    November 21st, 2016 at 06:40

    Oh Vix, I can relate to so much of this post. I lost my dad four years ago and I can 100% appreciate that whilst grief is different for everyone, living your life to the absolute full and not letting anyone treat you with any less respect than you deserve are some of the few positives you can take from such a shitty situation. It sounds like you’re going to have a tough few months but remember that you’re moving forwards. You’ll never ‘move on’ as why the hell would you want to move away from the memories you have and the lessons she taught you? But you will find your new normal, it just takes baby steps. Xxx

  2. Laura Louise

    November 21st, 2016 at 09:23

    I can relate but I have no idea how you personally feel. I find it tricky when people say ‘ I know how you feel…I lost such and such..’ because no one knows how YOU are coping and how you feel, it’s different for everyone and everyone’s situation, immediate support and mentality unique to the person. I have lost both my mum and dad to cancer, more recently my mum which blew the wind out of my life. Like you, I was with her when she died and I was so happy that I could be there next to her at her time of passing as this is what she had wanted. That has always given me some positivity from the strange situation. I have constantly been looking for answers and ways to cope, and like you said, the ‘5 step process’ was not how it happened or is happening for me. I have also learned to take positive aspects out of it when it comes to my decision making, ruthlessness with people and (bad) friends & just the way I live my life, I am constantly asking myself ‘What what she say?’. I don’t think the pain ever goes away you just learn to cope with it and adjust.

    I loved reading this, I have never been able to blog about my true feelings about grief because I just don’t think I can still, as it’s so twisted and hard to explain for me, but I loved reading about your positivity and thoughts…and it kinda made me smile.
    The only article I’ve read that I really loved and felt aligned to about grief/losing your mum was this one if you haven’t seen it, it’s worth a read: https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2016/mar/03/we-dont-lose-our-mothers-reality-more-violent-that-that

    Thanks for sharing – sending you lots of love & strength xxxxx

  3. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:14

    Thanks or sharing that lovely, will give it a read. Sorry for your loses but your attitude to life is similar to mine. We’ve totally got this!

  4. Trishna

    November 21st, 2016 at 10:47

    Hiya, I’m normally one of those ‘silent readers’ but even I had to comment on this post because in my what, year and so of blogging it has to be the most relate able post I’ve read, don’t get me wrong, I can totally relate to the staying power of the roller lash mascara lol but this was everything.
    I lost my mum to cancer around four months ago and trust me when I say, I can relate to everything written in this post and to how you’re feeling. It’s shit, utterly shit but what we can have, is knowing that our mums are at peace. I know the feeling of wanting someone to give you the option of cutting off your arm and spending the rest of your life without it, just to get that 10 seconds with mum. My family, like yourself were around my mum as she passed and know of the feeling of wanting her to hold on to every last breath, whilst at the same time, just wanting to be in peace already and I also want that stressed feeling of ‘what to buy mum for Christmas’ because you know whatever you get her, will never beat what she got you. It really sucks.
    Christmas will be hard this year, knowing how much my mum loved it, I remember last year, she constantly said how this would be her last Christmas and I’d be like, ‘nope it won’t, the doctor said its an early find, you’ll have your bowel removed, have a few rounds of chemo and you’ll hopefully be back on your feet in no time’. How wrong was I? Not, only myself but the fucktards we called doctors, false hope is possibly one of the worst things they could’ve given us.
    I should probably wrap this up because I’ve got three assignments to write, damn it, but the one thing I also get pissed about is trivial problems, I know you’re a random standing near me whilst we wait for the train but I don’t want to bloody hear you cry to your friend about your chipped £15 manicure nails, nope, just don’t want to here it.
    I’m sorry your mum had to suffer for 3 years and I’m sorry that she passed away, but one thing I do know is that we both have to stay strong, I don’t know how, but it ‘does’ get easier. It’s a shitty period in our lives but at least our mums are now at peace.

    Hopefully my swearing didn’t offend anyone, but its just how I feel! And I probably should’ve warned you about the long arse comment, that’s what I get for being a silent reader lol, but not no more!

    We got this 🙂
    Trishna xx

  5. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:13

    Totally get allllll of this love. Sounds like you’re being super strong! Reach out if you ever want to talk about things. My Mum was bowel cancer too!

  6. Natalie

    November 21st, 2016 at 11:17

    I love this post I lost my mum in March and grief feels so different then how I expected it to feel. My mum also didn’t do hardly any of the things that she wanted and it’s made me determined to travel the world as much as I can, my first stop is California next week where I’m spending 3 weeks traveling. I booked it with some money she left me and it feels like a very special last gift and I know she would have been so excited for me x

  7. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:12

    Sorry for your loss lovely but really proud to see that you’re not letting it defeat you and you’re off on an adventure. Your Mum would be so pleased!

  8. Emma

    November 21st, 2016 at 13:10

    Such a beautifully brave and honest post xXx

  9. Immy May

    November 21st, 2016 at 13:24

    This is a beautiful post Vix, it is a sad thing but I am so happy to read that it also has a silver lining, a motivation for you to just grab life by the short n curly’s and take no shit. Sending my love. Immy x

  10. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:11

    Thank you lovely – I certainly am planning on taking life by the balls. In all sortsa ways.

  11. Sophie

    November 21st, 2016 at 13:37

    This post really resonated with me Vix. We lost my little neice over the summer and so much of what you have written rang true for me. Grief is a hard thing to come to terms with, but you should be proud of yourself for having such a positive outlook. Sending love xxx
    Sophie Cliff

  12. Skylar

    November 21st, 2016 at 15:25

    I relate to this on so many levels. I was always close with my grannie, and when she died I dealed with my grief so much differently than my mom did. Everyone’s different in dealing with things, and different with feeling better about it in their own ways I think.

  13. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:10

    Definitely and we can learn from each other in these times too.

  14. Ashley

    November 21st, 2016 at 16:05

    Vix, I’m sorry for your loss. Losing a loved one is never easy and teaches us that life is too short. We should not take the days the past for granted. I’ve been reflecting on my own life lately, not to make this about me. But my self esteem is low and that has discouraged me from living life. Just from talking to you on Twitter, I’ve learned that you’re great person. Believe it or not, but you’ve made me look at life differently today more than I thought I knew. In a positive way of course!


  15. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:10

    Aw thank you and I’m so happy I’ve been able to write something that has provoked that in you. Always around if you need me. x

  16. Laura

    November 21st, 2016 at 17:32

    i love this and how you're seeing the positive impacts grief can have. xx

  17. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:09

    Thank you! I think that’s what life is all about – rising from the flames.

  18. Beth

    November 21st, 2016 at 20:12

    Thank you for writing this. I was worried I wasnt doing grief right because I haven’t done the stages, and because I haven’t done the Hollywood level breakdowns. But this makes me feel way better.

  19. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:08

    It’s so different for everyone isn’t it? Even my twin sister is handling it differently than me.

  20. Emily

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:06

    This is such a beautiful, honest post. I passed it onto a friend who recently lost a parent and she said you had summed up her thoughts exactly, so thank you for writing something so brave so that others don’t feel so alone. X

  21. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:07

    Thank you so much for reading and sharing. Let your friend know, I’m always about for a chat x

  22. Bethany

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:12

    You are so strong & brave being so open and honest with this. I almost lost my mum to a brain haemorrhage and aneurysm and I can’t even imagine what it is like, but I honestly think you are amazing. You are going to help so many people. Xxx

  23. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:16

    Oh love, how scary! Thank you x

  24. Lauren

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:50

    Thank you so much for writing this. My best friend’s mum died last year and I have no experience of death at all (I’m almost 28 with all grandparents intact, so I’m the luckiest girl in the world). I try to read as much as possible about grief and these personal accounts from bloggers are always the most insightful. Her tolerance for bullshit has also evaporated, she graduated, got an amazing job and is moving to Australia next year so she seems to be following the same pattern as you when it comes to living life to the full. Love you millions. x

  25. vixmeldrew

    November 21st, 2016 at 21:51

    It’s amazing, in a way, that something like this can completely transform people’s lives. All the love to your mate. And you, because you’re aces.

  26. Katie

    November 21st, 2016 at 23:25

    I’ve read all of your posts related to your mum and felt a certain kinderence and appreciation for your ability to open up about it. I lost my mum in January too and I have just suffered through the first birthday without her. She deserved a better life than she had and I’m left with a lot of regret. As you say, I will love to regret no more.

    I have friends that care but none that understand so I tend to keep my bad days to myself as nobody knows what to say. Reading your posts and the comments helps enormously.

    Keep doing what you’re doing, how proud I’m sure she’d be that your words are resonating and helping others through the struggle.

  27. Katie

    November 21st, 2016 at 23:27

    I’ve read all of your posts related to your mum and felt a certain kinderence and appreciation for your ability to open up about it. I lost my mum in January too and I have just suffered through the first birthday without her. She deserved a better life than she had and I’m left with a lot of regret. As you say, I will live to regret no more.

    I have friends that care but none that understand so I tend to keep my bad days to myself as nobody knows what to say. Reading your posts and the comments helps enormously.

    Keep doing what you’re doing, how proud I’m sure she’d be that your words are resonating and helping others through the struggle.

  28. Em

    November 22nd, 2016 at 11:25

    Beautifully written post as always, I read your previous post but I wasn’t really sure how to comment or what to say, and I’m still not if I’m honest. I can’t even begin to imagine what you’re feeling or going through right now. All I can say is I’m sorry for your loss, and echo what the other commenters have already said <3

  29. Kelly

    November 28th, 2016 at 08:04

    Gosh, you really hit the nail on the head. A year ago, I had a major loss and it still sits with me today in a big way. I too don’t let myself wallow in it for very long, shifting gears to Instagram or whatever. Perhaps that’s a mistake. I can just hear a therapist saying to feel the emotions and allow yourself to grieve…but then, I’ve never been much for therapy. Also, I entered the stages of grieving at acceptance…so who knows where that puts me? Acceptance is the final stage, but just because you accept a death doesn’t mean it can’t cause you agony and change you and a multitude of ways.

    Anywho, I feel like I could ramble on for a while. I’ll just say I’m very sorry for your loss and I relate to everything you said about processing it and moving on.

    xo – Kelly

  30. Rose

    December 1st, 2016 at 08:06

    I’m so sorry for you loss and I thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on this topic. I lost my Dad 1 month ago today and I have been going through many of those “stages” but what happens most is that I burst into tears out of nowhere because I see something I know he would have liked or I’m reminded of something and want to talk to him but I can’t.

    I agree with what you said towards the end of the post about striving to do your best and living your life to the max because you one day our time will come as well. I have been doing a lot of soul searching and I am ready to do better. I am inspired in a way to just really get my sh*t together so that I can do the things I only dream about.

    Thank you again for this. xo

  31. Taiba

    December 6th, 2016 at 22:14

    Although grief is such painfully agonising, if it wasn’t for the soul destroying, heart wrenching such as a loved passing,we wouldn’t be the people we are today

    That’s what I think any ways. I like to think postively when it comes to death of my dad. And although at the time I couldn’t really process how one minute we were talking and laughing and the next he was just gone. I like to think that after nearly 7 years, I have finally accepted that some things are just meant to be. And we can let them either break or make us

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