Do Men Love Women In The Same Way We Love Them?

Vix xxx

  1. Kate

    September 20th, 2017 at 07:51

    This is such an interesting idea! While I don’t think it necessarily means that men love their partners more for what they do for them than for who they are (I actually think those two things are quite entwined for most of us!), I do think it’s true in a lot of cases that women take on more of the emotional labour. It’s strange how women can be socially conditioned to think that men/marriage are vital components of a successful life, and yet also conditioned to know we can’t count on them for everything (while being expected to be everything for them).

  2. Elizabeth

    September 20th, 2017 at 11:26

    I think generally speaking your observations hold true. My experience is somewhat different in that my close friends – with whom I have that emotional relationship and support – are all men. Where a (heterosexual) man does not have close platonic friendships with women – or has only very stereotypical male friendships – then his female partner will supply him with all his emotional needs. I’ve observed that such men are more emotionally dependent on their partners – yet their partners diversify their support base often via their female friendships.

    But women too can come to rely on what their partner can do for them (versus WHO they actually are). This can come in the form of physical support and assistance; validation; and companionship.

  3. Gavin

    September 20th, 2017 at 22:48

    Thank you for the *klaxon in recognition of the broad, sweeping, gender-based generalisations ๐Ÿ˜€

    In the book ‘The Road Less Travelled’, M Scott Pack describes love as “the will to extend one’s self for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth”, which feels like a close fit to your description of your love for your man. However, your words are tinged with co-dependence, because rather than spiritual growth, it sounds like you are supporting emotional avoidance or emotional immaturity in your partners. You’re supporting them, but they sound like underdeveloped emotional behaviours that are being propped up.

    A relationship where one person carries all of the emotional baggage isn’t healthy. Been there, done that. In the past I’ve avoided all feelings and emotions, leaving them for my partner to carry. Yeah, none of those relationships worked out. It’s unhealthy for a one person to be the only emotional support for another. If a partner only ever comes to me for emotional release and has no-one else to be open with, it will be a very heavy weight to carry, perhaps too much.

    I’ve learned a LOT in the last seven years around healthy acknowledgement and processing of emotions, at the appropriate time and to the right person. Vulnerability etc… As a guy, I have a lot of friends and resources available to share my deepest, murkiest and most confusing thoughts, which allows me to live life with emotional honesty, when I dare to. I doubt that many men seek out support, or ask for help in the way I have, so they don’t have these outlets, or they are simply scared of genuine emotional honesty and openess. Or they might be perfectly balanced ๐Ÿ˜€

    A lot of men are still children, doing a startlingly good impression of holding it together as a pretend adult, I know I was. But that inner child is strong and essentially they are just looking for a younger version of their mother to mate with. Therefore, finding a women who will mother them, look after them and care for them fills the underdeveloped gaps in their adulthood perfectly, but, doesn’t allow that pesky inner child to grow out and mature. That requires a lot of work and honesty.

    It reminds me of the myth of the ‘other half’, how people refer to their partner as their other half. A perfect relationship will be made up of two whole people who decide to share their lives, not two half-people filling in the gaps. One of the hardest things in a relationship is for both people to remain as individuals, even when in a close partnership. The key is to look for my other whole, whilst being as whole as I can be, rather than filling in their gaps for them, because that’s the individual’s work and I can’t do it for them.

    OK, I’m stopping there, but I could write about this shit for ever ๐Ÿ˜€

  4. April

    September 21st, 2017 at 21:28

    Gavin: Do you have a blog or something? You have interesting thoughts..

  5. Alessia

    January 6th, 2018 at 11:43

    I used to feel the same about OH but when looking at ways to talk about my boyfriend that felt mature enough for a woman of 29 talking about a man of 30 she isn’t engaged or married to (boyfriend doesn’t and I only used it here for context) I ended up using it because he is the other half of something…not of me, I am whole and as a Christian woman who was happy single I ground my identity in Jesus rather than a man, but of us. Maybe it’s not a common understanding of it, but it’s a meaning I’m happy with. We have discussed hyphenation get our names, and it would make it even more openly what I feel about it when we do.

  6. Siobhan

    September 22nd, 2017 at 11:20

    With my ex husband I think this is what broke us. But I think it damaged him too. He was not meant to show emotions and was supposed to always be in control. I was the emotional one etc…

    When we moved to a new country I was the one with the skills to create a social group for both of us somehow. And do birthdays and all that as well as commuting to London to do a job where I was responsible for a staffing restructure, and make sure he was eating properly and not just haggis ready meals and keep the flat clean, and make sure he was getting enough sleep, had clean shirts for work, ensure our home was cosy and well decorated and cope with depression and undiagnosed other stuff, and keep in touch with my family who I had moved further away from and keep our connections with past friends alive and and and and and

    Never again basically. I am shit at a lot of that stuff. I am terrible at remembering birthdays, sometimes I was cooking dinner for him when I wanted a bowl of cereal, and sometimes I will just have a bowl of cereal – fuck it. His repression of his feelings led to some really shady stuff between the two of us. Really broken shit I would not recommend to anyone. I like making my home chilled and cosy but not that way? I was basically being someone I wasn’t as that was the “wife” role and it SUCKED. Single now and no idea what happens next but I can’t be that kind of wife and I won’t be even if I get married again.

  7. Alessia

    January 6th, 2018 at 11:58

    The fact I am in a relationship with someone not like that after a really long time single has made a lot of this ring true because I have met these men before, and never felt I could really respect and love someone without emotional maturity. You make me wonder if I have been a bit harsh and judgemental of a sizeable amount of men who may have not known any better from the way they were raised. I still wouldn’t be with them, but I would have a bit more compassion.

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