Please Don’t Leave Me

Vix xxx

  1. Aqy

    March 15th, 2017 at 07:42

    Beautiful post. I have abandonment issues myself. Because I was so paranoid that my partner would leave me, he left eventually. Fortunately, I was able to let my current partner know about my fear of getting left. Things have definitely worked out to be better. xo

  2. bee

    March 15th, 2017 at 08:46

    “being abandoned takes over. I can feel it manifest in many ways.
    Don’t leave me because I’ve been an absolute bitch to you. I know I push. I have an acidic tongue. I’m testing you. I’m testing your patience. I’m testing your loyalty. I’m testing to see if you will leave me.
    Don’t leave me because I don’t care. I feign disinterest as a way of putting a front up. I’ll make you feel like you’re not important to me. That I don’t need you. But that’s only because I fear you’ll leave me.
    Don’t leave me when I need space. I need space from my own head. I need space from my thoughts. I need space from stress. I need space from life. If you give me space from you, it’ll feel like you’re leaving me.
    Don’t leave me because I’ve pissed you off. I may have forgotten to do the washing up. Or I may have told you what I really think of your friends, but don’t leave me for a moment because even though it’s not a big deal, it’ll feel like you’re never coming back.”

    This whole part I felt. My dad left us before I even came out of the hospital (after an unsuccessful attempt at kidnapping me.) He then came in to my life when I was nearly 14 only to meet me three times and decide he couldn’t be my father. A bit of a kick in the teeth really. So everything in those inverted commas is exactly what I do, because I don’t want to feel the hurt of losing someone again so if I act like it wouldn’t matter, surely I’ll BELIEVE that it won’t matter if it ever does. I think that’s why I find it hard to maintain friendships, relationships (yes even my own marriage from time to time) and family. I don’t want to be let down. I really do feel like an island sometimes and that’s my own fault. Anyway, I’m rambling, but this is the only post that has 100% totally spoken to me in a long time. Thank you for helping me understand my own personal demons.
    Bee xxx

  3. Lottie

    March 15th, 2017 at 10:41

    This has made me bawl my eyes out at 10.30 in the morning, it is everything I do and feel.

    Have you looked into borderline personality disorder as that has strong feelings of fear of abandonment?

    Thank you for this x

  4. Rachelanne_bee

    March 15th, 2017 at 11:15

    Oh my goodness, I’ve never related to a post more!! You pretty much hit the nail on the head right there!

  5. Siobhan

    March 15th, 2017 at 12:43

    Totally get this. Don’r speak about it for loads of reasons but yes, totally relate to this. I am terrified people will leave me, particularly males and it means I simultaneously long for a relationship and am scared shitless by the prospect of one! I’m currently in scared shitless phase so very single and learning I am alright on my own and that – still means I’ll be scared that “he” whoever “he” ends up being will leave. Thankfully am better with this when it comes to friends now. Better but not perfect. Awareness is the thing though – you hit the nail on the head with that here. Good luck xx

  6. Asti

    March 15th, 2017 at 13:57

    Yes. I feel like I struggle with this a bit, but as a result of friendships growing up and not family issues. It’s not like it even took a ton of instances to cause this issue with me. I would just have one really, really close friend here and there and they would always ultimately end up turning away from me without so much as a glance back. It’s really made it hard for me socially as a result because on the one hand I truly crave a close friendship, someone I can turn to at any given moment and have the greatest of times with, but on the other hand I feel doomed in the sense that even if a friendship looks promising – it’ll never last. I write it off before it can even begin so that every piece of enjoyment is overshadowed by this thought of “hm, I wonder how long this one will actually last.” I’m working on it, I truly am, and I find online relationships to be helpful in that they give me time to manage my thoughts in a healthier way. But ugh, how come no one taught us in school how to handle our emotions?

  7. Erin

    March 15th, 2017 at 21:04

    I really have this fear, simply because I was terrified of ending up alone with a child. I seen how lonely my mum was growing up with it being just me and her, I really didn’t want it for myself. So when my ex left – it was like my nightmare coming true, I was left alone to raise our son. And now I really struggle letting people in because I am so SO scared they will leave too, so I push their limits and become a nightmare just to avoid being hurt, silly really.. so scared of being alone yet I find it so difficult to be with someone, sucks! 🙁

    Erin || MakeErinOver

  8. Sarah

    March 16th, 2017 at 16:08

    Omg. This is like reading about myself. I had a very…. Colourful, childhood and past and to say it’s made me scared is an understatement. Even people i know wont leave me now i can’t fully trust will be there when i wake up and i push people away like you’ve never seen before. I’m getting better, but it’s such a long process and I’m not sure I’ll ever be ‘there’. Good for you for powering through, writing about it and coming out the other side even stronger!
    Sarah xxx

  9. Abi Street

    March 20th, 2017 at 20:31

    I can relate to this post so much! Especially the needing space one, a lot of the time i’m so on the go with my life that i do need space, but not from people. My difficult past relationships have lead me to immediately think a certain way and always think everyone has bad intentions, just like he did before.

    Such a good post and i’m glad i’m not alone x

    Abi | abistreetx

  10. Megan

    March 22nd, 2017 at 20:54

    Such a beautifully written post Vix. I definitely resonated with the idea of pushing someone away and testing their loyalty even though you fear the worst, of them leaving you. Our brains work in mysterious ways. I think the best way to begin to tackle an issue is admitting you have one and I admire you for doing so, it makes it easier to understand why we do the things that we do.

    Lots of love. xx

  11. Wendy

    March 23rd, 2017 at 09:55

    This post is me to a T. It cost me my marriage and my current relationship is on rocky ground. Doesn’t help when he has mental health issues and goes distant which then triggers me off.

    Its just nice to know I’m not alone in feeling like this x

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