This post is sponsored by Bounty Milk Snacks. GOD TIER SNACK I AM TELLING YOU.
Hands up if you’re like me…
‘Ugh I have to pay my council tax tomorrow.’
‘I have to go to the gym – I feel really unfit.’
‘I have to stop ordering Deliveroos on my way home.’
‘I’ll have to have breakfast if I want energy today.’
‘I’ll have to crack on with work, I can’t rest.’
‘I have to save if I ever want to buy a house.’
‘I have to finish that book before I can mess about on Instagram.’
That was me. The ‘have to’ girl.
Everything I ‘had’ to do in life was one extra burden. Why can’t I ‘have to’ watch 25 episodes of Jane The Virgin on the bounce whilst ignoring all responsibilities and staying in bed?
That’s cosy. That’s safe. Right?
So why do I ‘have to’ do all of these things that are outside of my bubble?
Why do I ‘have to’ do these acts of adulting if I ever want to have anything or achieve anything in life?
But I switched that mindset recently and oh my god has it changed my life.
During a chat with my therapist, Luli (Lulz, L-Dawg, Lully-babe – I have lots of nicknames for this bad ass woman), she asked me why I wasn’t looking after myself.
Why wasn’t I doing small acts of self-care each day to make things better. Why was I spending money instead of saving it and then feeling crap about it? Why wasn’t I going to the gym if I knew it gave me more energy? Why wasn’t I treating myself to a bit of a break and ‘me’ time throughout the day if I knew it’d help my concentration?
My answer was, ‘because when I know I have to, I don’t want to.’
That’s right, a little bloody rebel lives inside me and has ever since I used to ignore my teachers and run to the chip shop during Business Studies.
We got to the bottom of the issue – I’m scared of anything that’s outside my zone of comfort. I’ve colluded with myself for so long, that if I only do the things that are easy, I’ll be safe. And if I ever have to do anything that’s NOT easy – establish a routine, take on a big project, begin an exercise regime, remind myself to keep my energy up, take time to chill – I immediately don’t want to do it.
And that rebel has always believed that if she’s ever been told she HAS to do something – even if it’s in her benefit – not only should it be ignored but actively sabotaged.
For a long time I thought that was a defect on my part. Until L-Dawg told me otherwise.
She asked me why do I think I *have* to do these things in a negative way instead of understanding that I *get* to do them which is a huge privilege that I should be grateful for.
She told me that every time I have a thought about something that I *have* to do, that I reframe it into something that I *get* to do.
I get to pay my council tax tomorrow because I live in Zone 3 London, have a lovely flat that’s well connected for work and is a happy home with Ben.
I get to go to the gym because it’s in my building, is free and makes me feel more awake and with more energy.
I get to delete the Deliveroo app because it’s making me spend money that I could save for better things (although try and convince me there’s anything better than chips to spend money on).
I get to save money because I’m working hard and don’t have to live paycheck to paycheck anymore and I’d really love a nice house.
I get to take time to chill out during my day to have a Bounty Milk Snack for elevenses because I am an adult and I get to make those decisions!
I get to finish that book because it’s enjoyable and gives my brain a break from social media.
Now every time I catch myself about to bemoan something I *have* to do, I flip that switch and reframe it into something I *get* to do and it’s an instant game changer.
I’ve built this into my routine now and it’s helped me have a way more productive and happy day.
Now I don’t *have* to wake up at 7am and crack straight on with work. I *get* to wake up early, spend some time reflecting and planning before working on my business.
I don’t *have* to have a regimented plan throughout the day if I don’t want to. I *get* to spend time making myself a nice breakfast to get my day started, take a break by walking to the fridge to grab a Bounty Milk Snack for a delicious chilled snack whilst I take some time out to answer emails and cook a sexy dinner whilst listening to my favourite podcasts.
I don’t *have* to put my laptop down at 5:30pm. I *get* to work during the hours I feel most productive and I can down tools when I feel like it!
I know for lots of us, flipping switches in mindset seems like the toughest thing in the world, but I encourage you to give yourself some brain space and try it.
Grab a notebook and pen, write down all of the things you feel like you ‘have’ to do in life that get you down. Whether it’s see a relative, take the bins out, watch the football with your partner or sponsor a colleague’s charity fun-run. And then re-write them, re-framing them in a more grateful and positive way – then come and tell me how it makes you feel!
This post was written in collaboration with Bounty Milk Snacks.
Which, by the way, you absolutely HAVE to try. They come in a pack of four, and combine the most amazing cakey layer, topped with coconutty mousse, covered in chocolate. Keep em in the fridge for a chilled snack, so they’re always ready for you time!
Available now, from Sainsbury’s (find them in the chiller). RRP. £2.00.
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