HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW I HAVE A BOYFRIEND? Yep, I’m one of those smug pricks that can’t stop talking about how happy I am in a relationship. But equally I do believe I am one of those un-pricky pricks who shouts about single positivity from my loved-up roof top. And one of the things I loved most about being single was sticking a huuuuuuge middle finger up to Valentine’s Day (and both of them up to poxy Galentine’s Day). Because we all know it’s the most commercially disgusting holiday out there AMIRITE? So why am I celebrating it this year?
I’m 31. I’ve been in long-term relationships that span V-Day before. But this one is different. In previous relationships, I really wasn’t given the option over whether I wanted to celebrate February 14th or not.
Here’s a whirl through my previous V-Day presents, gestures or options. ARE YOU READY BECAUSE I’M NOT QUITE SURE I NEED TO RELIVE THIS?
Now, previous meat-eating junkaholic Vix would snort a KFC, no problem BUT when an ex (then current) calls you up and tells you they’ve got you a surprise treat on this special day and you’re expecting flowers or cunnilingus A KFC DOESN’T CUT IT.
Especially when HelloFresh informed me that over a third of British men and a quarter of women are planning a romantic night in with their partner this Valentine’s Day, cooking for the other person. The most popular dish to cook up on date night is a steak, with 35% of survey respondents saying they wanted to treat their special one to a ‘restaurant experience’ (COUGH CHEAPSKATES) but at home. A KFC is not a restaurant experience at home.
Yes I was 14 and in Secondary School but my god this has stayed with me. I entered assembly, wondering when I’d see my current boyfriend that day, with his homemade V-Day card in hand. I spotted him across the hall and he came over with THE card. We exchanged it in front of all of Year 9. Mine declared my love and was sprayed with my currently perfume of choice (probably SO Charlie or an Impulse jobby) his had those special 3 words emblazoned across it.
YOU. ARE. DUMPED.
Where HelloFresh’s survey found that couples fell out on V-Day over burnt dinners or eating too much, he dumped me because I wore butterfly clips in corn rows on my head. Brutal.
Whilst the survey stated that 22% of people had a roast dinner made for them on V-Day, I was once given tyres.
My tight-arse prick of an ex WAS going to get me a Valentines present one year (I assume) but since he had to lend me £50 to replace two of my tyres the week before cupid came a calling, he told me I could call the tyres my present.
Gave you a little breathing space there because I KNOW. That was almost topped the following year when he offered to get me glasses for V-Day. Not the Ray-Bans I was desperate for but a pair of Specsavers basics that made me cry when I wore them because I looked like Poindexter’s ugly sister.
So this year I WILL bloody celebrate it. It may just be that Ben and I cook for each other at home after we’ve eaten popcorn off of each other at the cinema (BLACK PANTHER OMFG BEEN WAITING SO LONG) or it may be that I fill his Whatsapp inbox with links to gorgeous things like this River Island bag because (LOOK AT IT and it fits my camera in AND COMES IN A WOVEN VERSION) like the spoilt bish I am but I do think that this year, I deserve to celebrate it.
Alright guys, what are you doing for V-Day this year?
If you want to view more info on the HelloFresh survey, you can do here. Plus the clothes were gifted to me from Pretty Little Thing, the bag was a River Island gift and this post contains affiliate links – transparency yo.
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